Bad News (Not) Bears

   Once upon a time, in a land called High School, there was a freshman having a difficult time dealing with the divorce of her parents and the events that surrounded it. During that time, the High School social worker informed the freshman that she was grieving and that grieving takes time. The freshman was shocked to hear that she was grieving because she had always associated "grieving" with "death of a loved one". However, that isn't always the case. Grief can come in all shapes and sizes and for a myriad of different reasons. If someone is grieving, it means that they are experiencing deep sorrow. Obviously, this kind of heartbreak does, indeed, occur when a loved one passes away, but we can experience grief over any kind of real loss. 

   Have you ever received bad news? Of course you have. But, did it ever occur to you that you may need to grieve as a result? It may sound a bit odd at first, much like it did for the previously mentioned freshman in High School Land, but (I think) it's totally legit. For example, let's say that you have never had any specific reason to think that you might lose your hearing. And then, one day, after you've been straining to hear certain things for a while, you get your hearing testing. And, after the test, the audiologist tells you that you have mild to moderate hearing loss that will most likely continue to get worse and that you will, eventually, need hearing aids. Even if you are unlikely to lose all hearing, you have still experienced a loss that you didn't necessarily see coming. And, as a result, it is completely natural to need to process this information and potentially grieve for the hearing aid-less life you imagined living. Does that make sense? I hope so. I think this concept could be applied to many losses in our lives and, potentially, help us work through the tough stuff, accept our new reality, and eventually heal the heartbreak as much as possible. 

   With that being said, if you've recently been hit with a loss in your life, PLEASE let yourself grieve. It's okay to be sad and upset. I know these aren't pleasant feelings, but sometimes they are necessary. It's okay to cry and feel shitty for a while, just be sure to check in with yourself and make sure you aren't dwelling. Obviously, it's not good to grieve forever, but there is a time and a place for it. Also, if you haven't seen Kati Morton's video on Grief and Grieving, I would strongly encourage you to check it out! She also has some other videos in which she answers questions about grief. Here are the links: 

• Is it possible to grieve for someone who hasn’t actually died yet?
• What's the difference between normal grief and depression?
• Is it normal to grieve the loss of therapy?

I hope this oh-so unprofessional advice is of some help to someone out there. If you have anything you'd like to see me blog (or vlog) about, please feel free to let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Until Next Time, 
Carly (But really Batman)

How to Deal With the Anxiety Monster

   Your palms get clammy. Your muscles tense up. Your heart begins to beat faster and faster, working up to a racing pace. It's that physical, panic-all-over feeling that you hate. If you know what the hell I'm talking about, you have most likely experienced the phenomenon known as "Anxiety." You have my sincerest condolences. 

   Anxiety really sucks, doesn't it? It's like, THE most useless and inconvenient thing. Not actually, of course, but it sure as hell can seem like it. And the anxiety trigger could be anything from going to the store to taking a test to meeting new people to stepping out your front door. Or simply thinking about doing these things. It doesn't feel fair that people should have to experience such discomfort over seemingly simple events. And, you know what? It's not fair. I can't currently think of anything about mental health issues that IS fair... And, it's not like pointing out unfairness is going to solve any problems, per se, but sometimes it can help on some level to know that someone else recognizes the injustice. And, let me tell you, I recognize it.

   So, it was brought to my attention that A LOT of people struggle with (seemingly) simple things, such as going to the store for basic necessities. And, when I think about it, that's just ridiculous. I do NOT mean that we are ridiculous for being anxious about these things, but it is totally and completely ridiculous that we have to deal with the Anxiety Monster in the first place. 

   I'm writing all of this because I recently received a blog/vlog topic suggestion from someone on the website, asking for ideas on how to "keep your cool," so to speak, in public places. I thought this was a pretty great suggestion, so I thought I'd try to offer up my oh-so unprofessional advice to anyone who is interested. 


   First of all, it seems like most of the time the worst part of the anxiety comes before I'm actually doing the thing that makes me anxious. For example, I will get super crazy anxious when I'm at home, before I go to the library, but if I can just make myself leave the house...the library (the thing that was making me so anxious) usually isn't NEARLY as bad as the Anxiety Monster was convincing me it would be. Sometimes just getting yourself up and out is the most challenging part, and the phrase "twenty seconds of insane courage" is what I use to help get myself in motion. 

   I started using this after watching We Bought a Zoo. It's a cute family movie in which Matt Damon's character tells his son that twenty seconds of courage is all it takes to do something great. He promises that just twenty seconds of (potentially) embarrassing bravery will result in something that was worth the act of courage. It may sound cheesy, but it freaking works. Try it. After all, what do you have to lose? 

As far as staying calm once you are in the situation that makes you anxious, here are some ideas:

• Slow, deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. [Some of you have told me that this makes you focus too much on your breathing and then you panic. If that is the case, obviously this probably wouldn't be your best option.] Kati Morton actually has an awesome video on how to do a relaxation breathing exercise that I recommend all the time. 
• Positive distractions. This can be something like listening to music while you walk through the store, library, etc. or you can bring a stress ball or worry stone...just something to fidget with. You can even ask a trusted friend to go with you, or you could call that person while at the store. You can also count sheep (or dinosaurs) in your head or try mental math. 
• Talk yourself through it. Just tell yourself what is *actually* going on. "Okay, I'm going to a store. I need to pick up a few things. This makes me so anxious and that sucks but it won't kill me. Chances are, it won't even be that bad. Chances are, I will be glad that I went." Stuff like that. Try to be mindful of the situation and you might be surprised by the results.
• Don't fight it. You heard me. Don't fight the fact that you are anxious. Accept it and try to do what you need/want to do anyway. I find that my anxiety gets way worse if I try to control it. However, if I talk myself through the anxiety and what I'm feeling, it gives me something to focus my energy on instead of freaking out about being anxious. 

   I hope this oh-so unprofessional advice is of some help to someone out there. If you have anything you'd like to see me blog (or vlog) about, please feel free to let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Until Next Time, 
Carly (But really Batman)